Toxic relationships are hard to swallow because you’ve seen movies about them — and your person isn’t nearly as bad as the villains in films. Your person isn’t a monster. They’ve simply made some mistakes. They’ve said and done some bad things.
The problem is, you’re seeing the world in black and white. You’re assuming your person must not be bad for you because they’ve done some good things for you in the past. But bad people are capable of doing good things, just like good people are capable of doing bad things.
If your person surprises you with a romantic getaway, it doesn’t take away from the fact that they consistently cheat on you. If they do the dishes every night after you cook dinner, it doesn’t change the fact that they order you around, telling you what you can and cannot wear. Your person could be a good partner in some ways but toxic overall. And that’s what makes toxic relationships so difficult to spot in the first place.
In truth, toxic relationships are much easier to spot from the outside than the inside. It’s more than you being blinded by your love. When you’re in a toxic relationship, you aren’t experiencing a snippet of your relationship like outsiders are. You’re experiencing the relationship day in and day out. You see the good moments, the intimate moments, the moments when your relationship seems to be working out.
Even after the truth starts to dawn on you and you start seeing the signs, toxic relationships are still difficult accept. You don’t want to admit you have bad taste. You don’t want to admit the person you put all of your trust into wasn’t worth trusting after all. You don’t want to admit to your friends the relationship you’ve been bragging so much about has been a disaster. You don’t even want to admit that to yourself.
When you’re in a toxic relationship, you know people are going to judge you. They’re going to wonder why you’ve been staying for such a long time. They aren’t going to realize how complicated the situation seems from your side. They aren’t going to realize all of the factors that are keeping you invested in the relationship. From where they’re standing, the solution is easy. Your person isn’t treating you right, so you should leave.
Of course, that’s easier than it looks, but it doesn’t change the fact that they’re right. Your person isn’t treating you right, so you should leave. You should stop coming up with reasons to wait another day. You should stop lying to yourself about how your person is going to change or how they aren’t that bad in the first place. You should stop tethering yourself to a toxic situation because being single is going to bring you much more bliss.
Toxic relationships will suck the joy out of you. They will weigh you down. They will make you question your value, your sanity, and your taste. But you don’t have to stay stuck in them forever. You don’t have to stay.