I’m slowly learning being the bigger person is not about offering unlimited forgiveness, regardless of the offense. It’s not about allowing someone to get away with hurting you, giving them permission to walk over you, giving them second chance after second chance.
Being the bigger person means not allowing your anger to take control of you. It means finding a way to accept what has happened to you, even if you are not okay with what has happened to you. It means being mature enough to stand in the same room as someone you cannot trust, someone you wish you would never see again, and handling yourself like an adult.
Being the bigger person does not mean you have to walk over to someone who hurt you and act like everything is fine. It does not mean you have to be happy about running into them again. It does not mean you have to keep quiet if they start trouble. It simply means you’re not going to let them ruin your night, you’re not going to let them bother you, because they mean nothing to you. They don’t matter to you.
You’re allowed to delete someone toxic from your phone and unfriend them on social media. You’re not immature for putting distance between you and someone who hurt you. You’re allowed to cut people out of your world. You’re allowed to limit the amount you see of people who only cause harm, heartache, and stress.
Don’t be fooled into believing being the bigger person means blindly forgiving people who hurt you in order to avoid stooping to their level. Sometimes, being the bigger person means walking away — because what are the alternatives? Getting into a screaming match with them? Getting revenge on them? Sometimes, the strongest thing you can do is leave.
Unfortunately, even when you actively try to cut someone out of your world, there are going to be moments when they pop up again. Your circles are going to overlap. Your paths are going to cross. When that happens, being the bigger person means dealing with your interactions calmly. It might even mean turning around and physically walking the other way, refusing to engage with them.
Being the bigger person does not mean you have to stick around when you’re feeling uncomfortable. It only means you’re able to resist the urge to scream at them, curse them out, spit in their face — even if they deserve it.
There are people in this world who are going to hurt you. You don’t have to be friends with them. You don’t have to hang out with them. You don’t even have to look at them. You just have to be mature enough to say they don’t matter enough for me to get annoyed by them and move on with your day.
I’m slowly learning what it means to be the bigger person. I’m slowly learning how to handle myself with maturity, even when the only thing I want to do is scream.